Working Progress

I'm actually at work right now, but I am so bored!! Everything is done and I have not had any customers for the past hour!! I have been reading a really really good book by Joyce Meyers (thanks to my birthday money from my mom and dad ;) However today I left my book behind *sniffle*

So in order to keep myself from going totally mentally insane, I will write. Something that has really been on my heart this past while is to be happy with who you are. Did you know many people do not even like themselfs??

The most negative consequece of such thinking is that our view of God becomes obscued. First of all, no one is perfect. Sometimes people believe that they cannot come before God unless everything in their life is good. They live their lifes under a huge cloud of condemnation. In the bible it says that NOTHING in the world can separate us from the love of God. God even loves us when we are sinning or not living the life he has planned for us. He may not agree with our lifestyle, but he loves us anyway. He loves you for the person you are. Sometimes we may feel like giving up on trying to be good, I know I have felt that way. I came back from YWAM with huge expectations and desires. I wanted to be the perfect christain and I wanted God to do something with my life right away. Things did not go how I had planned and I felt like a complete faliure within my christain walk. I got hurt, I felt rejected, and I started to doubt if God was really there. When I would try to get my life back together with God I felt like I was making no progress. I still did things I didn't want to do. I still got mad, I still felt sorry for myself at times, and I was feeling like nothing had changed. This made matters worse because I felt that God would only be willing to accept me once my life was better. I was giving up on myself. The truth was, and is, that God loves me even though I'm not perfect. He loves you even though you're not perfect. I don't believe you ever wake up the next day and everything is right. *Boom* You all of sudden have no more insecurities, faults, or anger. Yeah right! It takes time. Accept yourself for who you are and in the morning say to yourself "I'm okay cause God is working in me." We are all one big working progress. Somedays are definetly easier then others. One day I can be super happy and positive, then the next day I can be depressed and negative. One day I'm really excited with the future and where my life is going and the next day I feel like I am not really going anywhere at all (still in school...still working at the same place). I don't like being patient and having to wait. I hate to sit still and I hate not seeing any changes right away, but I don't think God is any big hurry. *sigh* I have to wait and slowly learn what it fully means to recieve God's grace and love. To take small steps to control my temper or overcome depression. Nope it won't happen overnight, but I can't get discouraged. A little step is better then no step at all.

Anyway I'm done rambling for today, I'm not even sure if any of this makes sense. If not you could always read the book by Joyce Meyer. I don't remeber what it is called?? She writes alot about receiving God's love and grace, as well as, having confidence in God. I've really enjoyed reading it and I have gotton a lot out of it! Good book! I might have to buy some more of her books :)Hmmm...I should edit this entry, but I'm too lazy..so I'm just going to post this and see how many spelling or grammer mistakes I have...wahoo

Lovung the New Layout

Claudia designed my new template and she did an amazing job :) I'm loving the whole thing! Thank you so much Claudia!! I love it :) Anyway, this is going to be one of the shortest blog entries I have ever written because I have to go to work :p I was just really excited about my new template so I thought I'd share it with you all *grin*.

Exciting News

Two very exciting things happened on Sunday. First of all, I turned 22! It's hard for me to grasp that I am this old already; It still feel some days like I am seventeen. Anyway I woke up early in the morning after Mark's brother's wedding, the night before, and drove upisland to have brunch with my family. The brunch was yummy and the people were great :) Most of my siblings were there, (excluding Ryan and Melanie)as well as, Carrie, Kyle, Uncle Art, Aunt Carol, and of course my parents were there. Then after only 2 and half hours of visitng I had to drive all the way back to Victoria and then out to Saanichton. Let's just say after all the driving I was feeling slightly grumpy,hot, and ickey. (I had to drive back to go to a gift opening. When I got to the gift opening I was slightly embarresed as about 30 people (most of them being strangers) song happy birthday to me. That evening I had dinner at Sarah and Ryans and went to see Pirates 2 :)

This now brings me to my second piece of exciting news!! Mark proposed to me in the parking lot of Silver City *lol* It was so funny. I was giving him a hard time about wearing this cheap ring on my wedding finger without him ever proposing. (Mark does not quite have enough money to buy the ring he wants to get me yet, although we have been both talking about getting married next year) Anyway I was teasing him and said he should get down on his knees right then and there and ask me to marry him. So when we were in the parking lot he got down on his knees and did ask me to marry him. Sarah was there and started snapping pictures so I'll try and post those sometime this week. Oh yeah, and of course I said yes to his question!...but the big proposal with "the ring" is yet to happen. For now I have a fake $1 dollar ring :)Which I actaully quite like and it is looking like I will get married August 25th next year. (I still have school to finish this fall. Anyway I'll keep everyone updated. I just thought I'd share my exciting news :)

Respect and Love that Does Not Come Easy

People who know me best can agree that at times I tend to be wishy washy. I don't really know what I want and I change my mind all the time! I've come to realize that I've always valued others opinon more than my own. I'm not exactly the best decision maker in the world. Sometimes I wish a bolt of lighting would flash across the sky and tell what house I should buy, what career I should have, who I should marry, what type of clothing I should wear, what type of car I should buy, what I should invest in etc.

There are certain people in my life who's opinon and advice I take to heart. The reason I value what they say is simply because I respect them. The problem I then have, is that I like to base all my decisions from other people's opinons. This has really led me to question the respect and love I have for myself. Perhaps it is just a lack of confidence, but dosen't a lack of confidence come from a distrust in yourself? Not only that, but if you can't respect yourself are you ever able to believe that other people respect you? Everyone has flaws, but are we ever able to look past them and see the beautiful bits and pieces of us?

Flashy beautiful models flood the magazines today in our culture. If I was only skinner, if I only had flawless skin, if I was only smarter, or if I only had more trendy clothing I would be happier with myself. Is it possible to be happy being you, even if your overweight, grumpy, thin, or wearing the same clothing you did 5 years ago? Can we still find the creative beauty in ourselfs? I believe we can never be happy unless were're able to love ourselfs. If we could just change our mind sets I wonder how many more women would show more concern about eating healthy, taking time for themselfs, being creative, and for once being proud when they look at themselfs in the mirror. I wonder what life would be like if ALL women could look at a piece of art, poetry, writing, or other expression of themselfs and say "Wow, look what I did, I'm amazing" To see inner beauty in us; to see the beautiful women God wants us to see. Once that can be seen we can start to respect ourselfs and our lives, and perhaps, just perhaps, we will be able to value our own choices in life.

I know I have to learn this about myself because I do have the abilty to make good choices. I have the abilty to worry less about what other people think. And yes, I have the ability to respect and love myself. One day I hope I will learn to look at myself or something I have created and say, "God thank you for who I am, thank you for letting me discover the beauty in myself."

Love Is In The Air :)

Well I finally have some pictures to post! The other day Sarah, Ryan, Mark and I headed to Royal Roads for pictures. It was fun, although in the pictures I'm wearing Mark's coat which is way to big for me and, while, I just hate any pictures of me.

This month is kinda special for Mark and I because on the 22nd we'll have been offically dating for one year! Where does the time go!! Also we both have birthdays this month. Mine is on the 16th and Mark is on the 28th. So it is a very busy month!!

I really have been blessed to have Mark in my life. Sometimes I'm amazed at how much patience he has for me. I don't think there has ever been one day where he has not told me how beautiful I am or how lucky he is to have me. He really knows how to make me smile. And I will admit that we are by no means perfect and can get into our little squabbles (I mean really what couple is ever perfect??), but I always know he loves me and I love him and we where able to keep open communication and work through things. I'm growing rather found of him *lol*. Oh, and the one thing I really love about Mark is that we both love old movies!! He has even seen Ma and Pa Kettle!! I didn't think anyone knew about that show. Crazy! Anyway hope you all like the pictures.

I love Mark's hair in this picture:)


It looks like Mark is strangling me in this picture
and I'm smiling abour it *lol*

Sarah and Ryan were making us laugh about something.

Sarah and I *Grin* Sarah gets included in this post because
I love her!!And now she is my sister!! I'm so happy
about that. In this picture we are pretending to smoke
something (wood chips actually).

What the heck do I want to be doing?

Greetings,

I have come back to blogging after enjoying two wonderful days off :) Not too much has been happening in my life. I have just been doing alot of thinking. I will be finishing my second year of college (2 and half really) and now I am unsure of what I want to pursue. I pretty well have everything I need to get into the three year education program at the UVIC. Do I really want to be a teacher? Kids are really what makes the job so enjoyable, however, unions can get really frustrating, especially when you are forced to go on strikes all the time.

Then again I really do enjoy psychology :) I always get A's in the courses and I think I would really enjoy being a counselor. Either in a school or working from my own practice. I find everything in psychology really interesting. Now, the downside to this is I would have to do at least 6 more years of school to get my doctors (3 and half to get my masters). So that is alot of school at a pretty high price.

My last option would be taking some time off from school and taking some real estate courses. My mother is going into real estate and I could learn alot from her and probably make some really good money, if I know what I am doing. Also another major bonus would be less student loans :) :) But this means I would have to work alot of weekends and I would have to have a cell phone on 24/7. *sigh*

There are just too many choices!! That's it I am going to become a truck driver! Beware all you skinny blondes who like to finger!! *Wahahaha* I will travel everywhere and get a myself a little dog to be my travel companion. Then the two of us will travel the open highway together with nothing in our way; only the wind blowing in our hair...starts singing...' Life's a highway and I want to drive it all night long'....*Grin*

The Blogging Starts....

Seeing everyones blogs inspired me to start my own. *Wahoo* So this is my first entry, which will probably seem quite boring, but too bad you will just have to deal with it :P Eventually, I'm sure I will put some pictures up and try to write something intelligent...well maybe...

Today is my 13th day in a row of work and I am in desperate need of time off, which will start tomorrow. *yippee* I really need it, trust me. I'm starting to get grumpy and impatient with my customers. For those of you who don't know where I work, I have the lovely job of buying and selling currencies. I get alot of confused customers, "Do I have to change my US dollars while I am in Canada?'..."But I don't know how to use Canadian currency"..."That is a terrible exchange rate!"...Etc...I'm losing my perky happy self...Infact yesterday I had a girl, this tiny blonde thing, who wanted to know where the West Jet counter was... I pointed down the hallway (at that time I was actually closed)...And apparently I was not very helpful...So she fingered me! I actaully had images of hitting her with my car that day...I wanted to see her blonde hair and tiny body go flying through the air and into a nearby bush...I was livid, which really is so unlike me!!...But yeah I wanted to hit her with my car...

So I'm looking forward to my days off and I will try to refrain from driving, just incase I get the urge to hit someone *lol* Which I don't think would be a good thing....or would it?