Respect and Love that Does Not Come Easy

People who know me best can agree that at times I tend to be wishy washy. I don't really know what I want and I change my mind all the time! I've come to realize that I've always valued others opinon more than my own. I'm not exactly the best decision maker in the world. Sometimes I wish a bolt of lighting would flash across the sky and tell what house I should buy, what career I should have, who I should marry, what type of clothing I should wear, what type of car I should buy, what I should invest in etc.

There are certain people in my life who's opinon and advice I take to heart. The reason I value what they say is simply because I respect them. The problem I then have, is that I like to base all my decisions from other people's opinons. This has really led me to question the respect and love I have for myself. Perhaps it is just a lack of confidence, but dosen't a lack of confidence come from a distrust in yourself? Not only that, but if you can't respect yourself are you ever able to believe that other people respect you? Everyone has flaws, but are we ever able to look past them and see the beautiful bits and pieces of us?

Flashy beautiful models flood the magazines today in our culture. If I was only skinner, if I only had flawless skin, if I was only smarter, or if I only had more trendy clothing I would be happier with myself. Is it possible to be happy being you, even if your overweight, grumpy, thin, or wearing the same clothing you did 5 years ago? Can we still find the creative beauty in ourselfs? I believe we can never be happy unless were're able to love ourselfs. If we could just change our mind sets I wonder how many more women would show more concern about eating healthy, taking time for themselfs, being creative, and for once being proud when they look at themselfs in the mirror. I wonder what life would be like if ALL women could look at a piece of art, poetry, writing, or other expression of themselfs and say "Wow, look what I did, I'm amazing" To see inner beauty in us; to see the beautiful women God wants us to see. Once that can be seen we can start to respect ourselfs and our lives, and perhaps, just perhaps, we will be able to value our own choices in life.

I know I have to learn this about myself because I do have the abilty to make good choices. I have the abilty to worry less about what other people think. And yes, I have the ability to respect and love myself. One day I hope I will learn to look at myself or something I have created and say, "God thank you for who I am, thank you for letting me discover the beauty in myself."